We have had a range of participants writing for the e-forum: activists, people who belong to the medical profession, service providers on the issue of sexuality, people who are personally interested in issues of sexuality, and many more. It is interesting to have this conversation on sexual concerns across such wide variety of participants and hear so many different voices.

What do we mean by ‘sexual concerns’?

Much of what we say about sexual concerns has to be placed in the broader context of sexuality. As one of the participants has pointed out, sexual concerns are what affect us individually and that ‘whatever concerns me in my sexual or asexual life is a concern’. She further adds that, the world of sexual concerns is indeed very large, including anything and everything from erection to depression to emotional and inter-relationship problems. Another participant shares that ‘at an individual/personal level it could range from seeking information on sexuality to building proper communication channels around oneself regarding sexuality whereas at an inter-personal level, the complexity of communication is more visibly felt’.

Sexual concerns can also not be viewed devoid of the socio-cultural as well as the religious context in which one is set because all of these have definite guidelines and codes of belief about sexuality. The kinds of sexual concerns also range from concerns within and outside of marriage. Ironically though, society often treats sexuality as something which exists only within marriage and much of the interventions are also made with these stereotypes and assumptions in mind.

The range of sexual concerns differs from person to person with respect to different contexts and life circumstances. There are wide differences in the levels of sexual interest and desire among people. Also the causes for sexual concerns could be as varied. As one of the participants points out, ‘different people attribute different meanings to sexual thoughts, feelings and behaviours and what we consider ‘normal’ then varies significantly’.

When does a ‘sexual concern’ become a ‘problem’?

It is interesting to observe just when a sexual concern ceases to be a ‘concern’ and gets to be viewed as a ‘problem’ and therefore as something which causes anxiety or discomfort. Sexual problems are in turn medicalized, fitted into various disease-oriented models and consequently need to be treated or cured. One of the participants has expressed that a lot of research is needed in this direction. However, would research be the only way in which we get to talk about these specific concerns? What about specific individual experiences that we have? Are there avenues where we could share and discuss them freely?

Do gender roles play a part in defining a ‘sexual concern’?

A few of the participants who have responded to the forum hold that sexuality cannot be talked about without putting an equal emphasis on defining gender roles that individuals play in their lifetimes vis-à-vis the changing society. Only when we are able to understand these contexts will we be able to define what sexuality means to each individual and the specific sexual concerns that individuals face. If we even talk about gender roles, we know that the range of sexual concerns differs largely between that of women and men right from body image to performance concerns.

Though sexual concerns are definitely governed by binary gender stereotypes and roles such as men having to fit into the role of the ‘enactor’/’initiator’ of the performance and the woman fitting into a ‘submissive’ role in the entire process or episode, we also know that there is a certain overlapping in the kind of concerns shared by both men and women. Talking about sexuality does not come easily to either men or women. Although, as one of the participants points out, it may seem more acceptable to find men talking about sexuality as they may have the societal license to do so often in the form of jokes and mirth. We therefore find that spaces such as this to talk about sexuality do exist. What remains absent, however, are spaces where we can talk about how sexuality affects each of us in very many ways individually or within relationships, physically or emotionally.

To conclude…

True, what is needed are spaces where people can talk about and exchange conversations on specific individual concerns and there is a lot of work needed to negotiate such non-judgemental spaces, the e-forum being one such effort to create such a space. There is also the need to start a dialogue with the different actors linked with sexuality such as gynecologists, sexologists, family physicians, social scientists, teachers, adolescents, parents, and the media, to name a few.

Arpita Das (Moderator)
The South and Southeast Asia Resource Centre on Sexuality