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... on how sexual rights affect one personally, and how they are affirmed and/or violated in one's local cultural setting.
I was born male, am 32 years old, and single.
During weekends you will catch me cooking,
washing, gardening or giving a bath to my pet
dogs. Enough for my community in Kathmandu
to raise eyebrows where an individual's choice
and behaviour are factors for others to decide his/her
sexuality and sexual preference. My father was usually
out-stationed due to his duties and my elder brother
was in another local hostel. I was close and in constant
communication with only the female members in my
family including my grandmother, two elder sisters and my
mother.
All along I have grown up with `different' choices. In the
early 80's when I was in a coeducational school hostel, I
became friendlier with the senior boys. They used to take
me out and I learnt many `sexual activities' including
masturbation in their company. I was not only enjoying the
phase but I also loved the idea of being adored and wanted
by my seniors as this made me `happening'. Although I was
unaware of it then, now, I feel my behaviour might have
been a catalyst for them to think that I was `available' to
them.
exploring my sexuality, I got into a relationship with a girl.
After sleeping with her, I came to understand myself and
my desire for men. I began to ignore my girl-friend and
took up a job in a local 5-star hotel to reduce the frequency
of meeting her so that the relationship would die a natural
death. I met her along with her husband and son many
years later at a musical event. Though we shared sweet
conversations, I am still haunted with the feeling that in the
process of exploring myself, I may have `used' her.
In Nepal, the whirlwind in the use of internet and cyber
outlets is a saving grace for people like me who are confused
or have a low level of confidence. It has helped me in
understanding other `like-minded souls' in terms of their
sexuality. I had a serious and an open relationship, with a
foreigner I met in a night club, for more than three years.
I will name him A. He is still in Nepal and our relationship
ended in February 2004. He is a manager at a reputed
educational institution and is nine years older to me.
With him, I really enjoyed every nuance of being in a
same-sex relationship, which later on developed into a
monogamous one because I could not handle the pros and
cons of sharing a third man in bed. Initially I prompted A
for a threesome, both for experience and fun. While it was
okay for me with some foreigners, I used to throw tantrums
whenever there was a Nepali guy in our room and in our
bed. I realise that, out of jealousy, I have discriminated
against both A and the other guys at various points.
Post our break-up, which A suggested, due to his personal
responsibilities, we tried to meet up as friends but it was
not easy for both of us. At present, we just share major
happenings of our lives.
In terms of my work, I had been volunteering for an
NGO active in control/prevention of HIV/AIDS amongst
men who have sex with men in Nepal. In 2004, I joined
the same organization. I have experienced a high level
of discrimination within the community due to lack of
knowledge, education and information.
In Nepal, a person is labelled not only because of one's
appearance, choice of dressing but also because of one's
preference in sexual roles and choice of partners. The
community often attributes labels to an individual before
understanding or realising his/her choice of identity. Hijra,
chakka, kothi are some of the terms used by the community
in Nepal.
I have never identified with cross-dressing in feminine
outfits and accessories. I tried it out once out of curiosity
and peer pressure. The result was horrifying and I never
tried it out again.
My community members treat me with respect and nondiscrimination
due to my age, appearance, education and
my professional association despite the sexual choices I
make. But, I realise it will not be the same for me as a
transgender person decked up in a sari and out in the
streets of Kathmandu, Nepal.
Anonymous lives and works in Nepal. We know him. We
appreciate his courage in writing this and support his decision
to remain anonymous to our readers.
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