Hee Dukha Kunya Janmache
Hee Dukha Kunya Janmache | Mangala Athlekar
Rajhans Publication
2004
Seema Gaikwad and Ketki Ranade
Hee Dukha Kunya Janmache, literally
translated as ‘These sorrows are from
which lifetime?’ is a book written
in Marathi by Mangala Athlekar
on lives of women with same-sex
desires. This is one of the first books
in Marathi that puts forth narratives
of lesbian-identified women and
describes their concerns in their
own words. Rajhans publication is a
well-known publishing house among
Marathi readers and is considered
to be of great repute among writers
and intellectuals in Pune city. This is
significant because a couple of years
ago, a gay friend and activist, who
runs a gay organisation and support
space in Pune was looking for
publishers for a biographical account
written by him on growing up gay in
a heterosexist world, had approached the same publishing
house among many others. His work was rejected stating
that it does not conform to the literary standards of this
publishing company. He finally had to fund the publication
himself, despite the fact that his work would again have
been one of the first mainstream publications in Marathi
on gay life.
To see the same Rajhans publishers publishing Athlekar’s
book makes one wonder whether this
choice is based on the fact that this
book has been written by a writer
of repute, who has written books
such as Gargi Azun Jeevant Ahey (Gargi
is still alive) in the past. Also, the
fact that this book engages with the
issues of same-sex desire more from
a social, political and intellectual
perspective and not so much from an
experiential, narrative style may have
influenced the decision.
To write a book in Marathi on such
an invisible and almost ‘prohibited’
issue such as same-sex sexual desire
and relationships is commendable.
Although there are several gaps and
many instances of oversimplifications
and naïve generalisations, one of the
most significant achievements of this book has been to
make visible lives that are unseen, voices that are unheard,
and experiences and desires that are (un) named.
I heard about this book for the first time from a client
who approached our psychotherapy centre. She had been
married for four years and had a three year old child. She
said that, she had always been attracted to women and had
had her share of rejection from a straight best friend in
college, and so on, before getting married. She had always
known this about herself but thought that she was ‘the
only one’ and never voiced her desires to anyone. She had
also done all the routine of praying to God and asking for
forgiveness of her ‘sinful’ desire etc. So after four years of
marriage, she happened to find this book, which not only
gave a ‘name’ to her feelings but also the discovery of a
community of women with the same desires. That to my
mind is the relevance of a book like this.
The book has a clear intent of providing information on
issues and perspectives on same-sex desire to the general
reader. It deals with issues such as: what being lesbian
means, the process of the self-discovery, that a lesbian
relationship or any same-sex relationship just like any
other romantic relationship does not necessarily exist
merely on the physical-sexual plane, that this identity may
develop at any age and that it is possible that an individual
may acknowledge this aspect of their being at any age. The
author has effectively used examples from narratives of
lesbian women to get this information across.
That same-sex relationships are not merely a western
phenomenon or a fad of upper class, urban young women
has been brought out well by Athlekar. Through citing
examples of urban, rural, upper class, lower class, literate,
and illiterate women the writer makes a valid case for
the above claim. In order to further this argument, the
writer has cited about fifteen reports from several local
newspapers in the country.
The writer has described individual narratives of lesbian
women in their own words. These women belong to
various age groups, and socio-economic backgrounds
in the cities of Pune and Mumbai in Maharashtra, India.
What these women would like to say about their own
identities, about how they view their own selves is brought
forward in their own language. However, more in-depth
information, especially on an experiential day-to-day level
does not come through very clearly. A lot of the writing
style is political in nature. This might be due to the fact
that the women the author spoke to have been activists
and leaders of organisations and support groups working
on issues of same-sex sexuality. It may also be a reflection
of the fact that while most of these activists have spoken
primarily about queer politics, identities etc. the nuanced
everyday realities of these women’s lives, often in the form
of subtexts to the main narratives, have not been brought
out clearly by the writer, who has for the first time in her
writing career attempted to write about the subject of
same-sex desire and identities.
The book does not dwell much on the many complex and
positive or even celebratory aspects of same-sex desire
and relationships. One of the biggest problems with the
book is that, at the outset, the writer presents an analysis of
patriarchy as well as family systems in order to understand
and situate choices of ‘same-sex sexuality’. However, in her
attempt to provide a commentary on women’s oppression
within patriarchal systems, the author situates the choice
of women to be ‘single’ as a way of rejecting male power.
The discussion of single women, widowed women,
divorced women alongside lesbian-identified women
becomes very confusing. Also, in an attempt to draw upon
similarities of experiences of women with various other
intersecting identities, there is an oversimplification and
conflation of many issues. There is an implication that all
women face similar kinds of problems in living out their
lives in a male-dominated world. Moreover, the aspect of
sexual control placed upon individuals, especially women
in patriarchy does not come through clearly. Instead a lot
of analysis sounds like individual interpretation rather than
a comprehensive commentary on patriarchy and its tools
of control.
Many lesbian women, whose interviews are presented
in the book, have talked of their sexuality as being their
choice. Despite this, the writer writes on the cover page,
‘Same-sex relationships! Who are we to accept or reject?
Who would have chosen this kind of a body, this kind of a
mind, if she had a choice would she choose this kind of a
pain as a companion for a lifetime…’ A quote like this on
the cover page along with the title, ‘These sorrows are from
which lifetime?’ epitomises helplessness, deficit, shame and
anything that maybe associated with the negative.
Seema Gaikwad, a psychologist, is Programme Co-ordinator
with Seher, a psychotherapy and counselling centre in
Pune, India. She has been associated with several women’s
groups and feminist organisations as a trainer, mental health
professional and activist.
Ketki Ranade, a trained psychiatric social worker, started
Seher. Seher is an LGBT-friendly mental health service
and programme informed by feminist and human rights
principles. A Research Fellow on the HPIF Fellowship of the
Population Council, India, Ketki is conducting research to
understand the mental health concerns of lesbian, gay and
bisexual individuals, as well as the perspectives of medical
personnel about same-sex desires.
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